Losing hope
by charisma26
Summary: What was Dean feeling when Sam dies in season 2? what was he feeling as he lost the one person that mattered to him. please R&R!


"Sam" I shouted, but I got no reply. Trying to ignore the frantic beating in my chest I moved forwards, eyes darting back and forth looking for a head of shaggy brown hair or a glimmer of long lanky legs in the wilderness. Beside me Bobby gripped his shotgun tighter, his knuckles turning white. Somewhere in the distance we heard a crash which echoed all around us. Bobby and I shared a look and we pushed forwards, following a rocky path. The path opened out into a road leading to a mini village with old worn down buildings – western looking. I had no time to admire the view because I was only looking for one thing, Sam.

"Sam" I shouted again and then I saw him. He rounded a corner and came into my view, gripping his right arm in what I suspected was dislocated. His clothes was filthy, his hair matted with sweat and he was stumbling forward, long legs almost intertwining with each other, boots dragging across the gravel.

His eyes met mine and they lit up with relief. My tense muscles immediately relaxed like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. My baby brother was alright – granted, he wasn't in the best shape but it was nothing I couldn't fix up.

"Dean" he replied, a small smile forming on his lips. He stood up a little straighter and carried on walking. I was about to make a cocky remark about how he always is the one that gets kidnapped when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

A coloured man dressed in all camouflage was running straight at my brother. I immediately pin pointed him as the enemy by the way he carried himself, head lowered and slipping into attack mode.

"Sam, look out" I screamed but it was too late. There was a glint of silver and my brother's face morphed into one of confusion when the enemy dug the knife into my brother's back. Sam's back arced, his eyes screwed shut and his face carved into agony.

"No" I yelled, fear plain in my voice. I began running but deep inside me I knew though I knew it was too late, stab wounds could be fatal and if it hit his spinal cord… I couldn't even think about it. Sam swayed on the spot until his legs gave out from under him and he collapsed on his knees on the muddy ground. His mouth gaped open and his eyes glazed over. My heart raced as I got there too slow to catch my brother from falling like I usually do.

Who was there when Sam got knocked over by that bully in 6th grade? Who was there to pick him up when he fell out the tree house in the garden? Who was there when he got pulverised by an angry spirit and ended up spending two weeks in hospital? I was… I caught him and picked him up when he fell but my head told me I would fail this time, I couldn't catch my baby brother.

I skidded to my knees on the muddy ground and caught him before he fell back. His mouth was gaping open and he looked as though all he wanted to do was close his eyes. Bobby ran past me with his shotgun in hand but all of my attention was on Sam and trying to keep him alive.

My hands gripped his coat to stop him from falling backwards and my mind went into panic mode.

"Sam" I demanded and caught him as he fell forwards into my arms, his head rolling back and forth and his lanky limbs collapsing on him.

"Woah, woah, woah, Sam, Sam, Sam" I kept repeating his name hoping to grab his attention but he just stared ahead blankly. My heart swelled with grief as I realised I was losing my little brother and the tears sprang to my eyes.

I took his sagging body in my arms as I tried to jostle him awake.

"Hey, c'mere let me look at you" I coaxed put when I pulled my hands away from his back my heart stopped as I stared at the red patch on my palm.

Panic spread through me like wild fire as I pushed Sam forward and gripped his shoulders and urging him to look at me. His eyes were clouded over.

"Hey look at me, it's not even that bad, it's not even that bad alright" I told him but it fell on deaf ears. Sam looked as though he didn't recognise me and his head was nodding. My heart beat picked up as I tried to keep my head in the game.

"Sammy?" I questioned him softly but Sam didn't reply so I shouted "Sam" a bit louder, fisting his jacket to keep him from falling.

"Hey, listen to me; we're going to patch you up okay? You'll be good as new, huh" as I caught his head in my hands. He stared blankly at me and I could feel tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes. After all Sam and I have been through I wouldn't let him go. I couldn't lose him to Stanford only to lose him once I'd found him again.

"I'm gonna take care of you, I'm gonna take care of you, I got you. That's my job right, take care of my pain in the ass little brother" I smiled hoping to get some rise out of him but he just sagged some more and all my hopes were dwindling away.

"Sam?" I asked pushing the bangs from his forehead as his eyes began to close. "Sam? Sam?" I demanded, panic leaking into my voice as my little brother faded away.

"Sammy?" I shouted holding his face as his eyelids drifted shut. I remembered the times when he was growing up and he and dad got into fights or when Sam would always protect those he loved. In a way Sam was more hard headed and stubborn than I was and I hoped he would carry this trait now and stay alive.

I stared wide eyed at my brother as I felt him slipping away from my grasp and I felt the feeling of ice settle in my stomach as he fell… falling away from me, his only lifeline.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," I muttered pulling his 6'4 frame into my arms and resting his head on my shoulder, gripping him tighter as his life slipped away.

"Oh God"… "Oh God" I muttered as tears stung my eyes and I stroked Sam's' hair. I buried my head in his shoulder as I sniffled. I could feel my heart ache as I felt him go, all the while praying I was wrong.

I rocked him back and forth like I did when we were kids, soothing him and trying to make him as comfortable as possible. I felt like I was missing half of myself… the most important part and there was nothing I could do to gain it back.

"SAM" I shouted as I grabbed him tighter and the saltwater cascaded down my cheeks. My breath hitched as I hugged him closer and leaned into his shoulder.

Not my little brother.

I couldn't lose my little brother.

I wouldn't lose my little brother.

I prayed and prayed for my brother to come back to me as he gave one last shuddering breath and lay still in my arms. I couldn't feel his breath on my neck or the feel of his faint heartbeat.

My brother was gone… no matter how much I prayed.

THE END!


End file.
